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> Funny Story Contest, Deadline(May 27 11:00 am et/10:00 am ct)

Butterman1
post May 12 2005, 09:49 PM
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Here are the rules:

The person with the funniest (clean) story wins this card:
2003 Donruss Champions World Series Champs 12 Scott Spiezio 1782/2002

Rules:
1) story must involve you or someone you know personally
2) Up to 3 stories per person- all must be on the same post


DEADLINE: May 27th, 2005 @ 11:00 am et/10:00 am ct

Let the laughter begin!

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jrlenox
post May 13 2005, 05:28 AM
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QUOTE(Butterman1 @ May 13 2005, 03:49 AM)
Here are the rules:

The person with the funniest (clean) story wins this card:
2003 Donruss Champions World Series Champs    12    Scott Spiezio 1782/2002

DEADLINE: May 27th, 2005 @ 11:00 am et/10:00 am ct

Let the laughter begin!
*



Does it have to be trading card/sports related ? Or related personally to the author/close friend/family ?

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Butterman1
post May 15 2005, 09:42 AM
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Doesn't matter what the topic is but it has to have happened to you or someone you know personally.

Good Luck all!

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bob_TCC
post May 15 2005, 10:02 AM
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QUOTE(Butterman1 @ May 15 2005, 10:42 AM)
Doesn't matter what the topic is but it has to have happened to you or someone you know personally.
*



One other question...

Is it just one story per person or more than one?

Then, I just have to decide which one (or ones) that I'm willing to share. unsure.gif

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Butterman1
post May 15 2005, 03:06 PM
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QUOTE(bob_TCC @ May 15 2005, 10:02 AM)
One other question...

Is it just one story per person or more than one?

Then, I just have to decide which one (or ones) that I'm willing to share.    unsure.gif

-Bob
*



I would say up to 3 stories, BUT all must be on the same post- no seperate posts.

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post May 15 2005, 04:10 PM
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lol this is a hard contest nothing ever funny happens

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KHarmon
post May 15 2005, 11:09 PM
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OK....here's my best shot at the stories...both of them are what we call "war stories" in law enforcement.....but these two are the ones that really stick out.


In 1997, I was about one month into my first ever assignment as a supervisor as a police officer. I was working for a very small town of about 6,000 people and like many other small towns we only had two officers on duty at a time during the nights. I was at the county jail booking in a prisoner when a new rookie officer found an open door at a house we had a vacation watch on. The officer knew I was in the booking area and had no clue about the open door he had found, so he decided to call for a county deputy to come and assist him with the open door. As it happened, all of the county deputies were tied up on a major traffic accident on the north end of the county, about 30 miles away. As it often happened, and as dangerous as it is...he was stuck searching the house by himself. So he drew his pistol and entered the residence.

While searching the house he went down the hallway, carefully checking every room to make sure there was no one in the house. When he came down the end of the hallway he was looking in a room to his left and as he scanned back to the right he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. He "quickly turned" and when he turned, so did the suspect in the other bedroom. Scott raised his pistol and began hollering at the suspect to "get down", "show me your hands", the whole routine. When he pointed his pistol at the suspect, the suspect raised what appeared to be a weapon and Scott fired one round and the suspect SHATTERED!!!!!!!! It took him a few minutes to realize what had just happened, but when his wits came to him and his adrenaline was starting to wear off he realized that he had shot his own reflection in a full length mirror that was hanging on a closet door in the master bedroom. ohmy.gif

As hard as it was for him to explain to me what had happened, it was even harder for me to make the phone call to the Assistant Chief and the Chief of Police and explain it to them. Cops are hard on others when they make a mistake, and we're hard, almost to the point of cruelty, when one of our own make a mistake. There were jokes floating around for months about this incident. One of the best pranks was when one of the guys hung a sign on the full length mirror in the patrol office we used to make sure our uniform was straight. The sign simply said "The person you see standing before you, is you, PLEASE DON'T SHOOT!!!!!!"


STORY TWO

This one is much shorter than the first one. I was on patrol at about 3:15 AM one morning and was going to the office to turn in some paper work that I needed to get turned in before the end of the shift. The town I worked for at the time, same place as the first story, had a major highway running through it that led to a very large military base in Central Texas. As I was taking the exit ramp for the service road I saw a car stopped at the stop sign where the service road intersected Main Street. At 3:15 AM there was no traffic out so I wasn't sure why the driver just sat at the stop sign and never turned.

I pulled in behind the vehicle at the stop sign, thinking (hoping huh.gif )that the driver was just day dreaming and my lights would get his attention and he would be on his way. After sitting behind him for about a minute and a half I figured that this guy was either intoxicated or was having car problems so I turned on my back flashers to let other drivers know I was there (by the way, drunks love red and blue lights...they use them for target practice to see if they can hit them with their car) and I got out and approached the vehicle.

I immediately knew a trip to jail was in my future, and the drivers future, because when I got to the window I saw that the driver had passed out, with his foot on the brake, and a cold beer between his legs on the seat. Not thinking of the consequences of my actions, I knocked on the window of the car to try and get the drivers attention. The first few knocks at the window were polite taps which had no effect on the driver at all. The knocks progressively got harder and louder, almost to the point that I was convinced I could sit a hand grenade on the vehicles hood and never disturb the driver. After about five minutes of pounding on the window I finally got a response from the driver. His response was to startle out of his drunken stupor, causing his foot to slip off the brake, and in his confusion he didn't realize that the vehicle was moving. The vehicle rolled through the intersection to the other side of the road, down into the ditch, and nose first into a concrete drainage culvert on the other side. I would relate what I said when the car went into the ditch, but since we have a rule on this forum about keeping the language "clean" I had better not. Sufice it to say that until the jury saw the video tape of this incident, they had no idea that those words were in a cops vocabulary.

There's so many more stories I could relate, a lot of them are only funny to other cops, EMS personnel, and fire fighters, because we all have a certain degree of "gallows humor." Sometimes the only thing that keeps us from crossing into the bliss of insanity is the ability to make light of tragic situations. We do our very best to keep from doing this in front of the general public because a lot of people simply wouldn't, or shouldn't understand what we see as being funny. Then there are those stories that are hilarious because of the criminals own stupidity. If you watch the show Cops, you'll see a good sampling of the mental midgets we deal with on a regular basis. And then there are the pranks that we pull on each other.....putting rocks in hub caps on patrol cars, waiting for an officer to take off for a few days and putting an open can of sardines under the seat of the patrol car when it's 95 to 105 degrees outside.....live snakes in desk drawers, pepper spray under a bathroom door....and due to the number of fireworks confiscated during the 4th of July and New Years Celebrations, the months following are very dangerous for those of us who have victimized another officer with a prank. There's nothing in the world like being parked in your favorite report writing spot, only to have an officer sneak up on you and throw an M-80 firecracker next to or into your patrol car. blink.gif One of the greatest pranks we ever pulled, was on one of the patrol sergeants. All of the sergeants had their own office and whenever one of the guys first got promoted to Sgt the pranks went into full swing. About three days after my best friend got his stripes, I organized a little prank for him. It was extremely cold outside and there was about an inch of ice on the road so the Chief left us orders to not be out on the streets and risk having an accident unless we were responding to a call. We were bored so me and the other two guys got together and moved every stick of furniture from my buddies office and into one of the old jail cells that was no longer in use. When I say every stick of furniture, I mean the desk, the chairs, the filing cabinets, his locker, his computer desk, the computer, EVERYTHING!!!!! The look on his face was priceless when he came back to work the next night!!!!!


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meuandthelot
post May 16 2005, 03:07 AM
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That's some funny stuff occifer Harmon smile.gif

Mine are of the simple minded nature smile.gif I coach Varsity Baseball, and could tell 100's of stories about my players. But, I'll just wing a few others that come to mind.

Maybe you had to be there IDK:
The Odd restaurant request...
We go into La Senorita's, and we all start ordering. I get Fajita's 1/2 Chicken 1/2 Steak. My wife orders(Forget what) Then my daughetr orders get this a "Wet burrito" Dry.. with a straight/serious face. The waitress was writing, stops, then looks at her with a puzzled look...about this time we all start laughing. Except my daughter who stated "what I just dont want the" when my wife says "The main ingredient of your order" I don't remeber all the side talk, but it was FUNNY!!

#2 Mild mannered Brother-In-Law...

So we're remodeling his upsatirs loft..No alcohol
There's like 6 steps, a flat area(landing), then right turn & about 6-7 more steps, then the loft. We get some tools & materials hauled up(about 2-3 trips when he says "I need to take this jacket off" harmless enough right, WRONG He takes out one arm, and starts mumbling something about his buttons on the sleeve & he can't get his hand out (you know, like trying to take off a long sleeve dress shirt, but forget to undo the cuff link..it doesn't slip over your hand) anyway by the time I look over He's kindof upset, because he's got "BOTH" arms stuck with the jacket sleeves pulled inside out.
Now my brother-in-law is quiet, very calm, a wonderfull tradesman, a super great guy. But he's a slow thinker..for instance: This is true!! We meet someone at a gathering they both extend their hands to introduce themselves Jack shakes his hand & says his name "Glad to meet you Jack Pringle" the other guy says "Jack Pringle" probably not wanting to forget his name, I do the same thing. Jack says....And I quote "No, I'm Jack Pringle" Yes that's my bro-in-law..lmao Hillarious!!!!

OOOps back to the sleeves...OK so he's got both arms stuck (needless to say, It's rather funny) when he begins to flail a little..mistake, he turns..looses his balance(not hard with arms tied behind your back..lol) & rolls down the first flight of steps, hits the landing almost regains his balance. Only to tumble down the last 6 steps. It was about as gracefull as tumbling down steps could be, so he didn't get hurt(well except for the bruised ego) I'm glad... because I was laughing so hard I was literally crying!!

#3

I'll think about this one. I have to get to the shop early today. Great thread so far..Thanks


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Butterman1
post May 17 2005, 09:02 PM
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Nice stories guys...

I loved the story about the brother-in-law falling down the stairs and the story about officer who shot the mirror. Keep 'em comin'!

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snowblink
post May 24 2005, 03:08 PM
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Allright, this story involves an acquantance of mine and his daughter.
Seems one day he and his daughter were driving around town when the duaghter's eye caught a sign for one of the local car dealerships. This one happened to be one of John Elway's shops. The daughter turns to her dad and says, "Is that 'John Elway's Used Cars'?". To which her father replies, "Yes". After a moment of silence the daughter says, "boy, he sure used a lot of them".


Most of the other stories I find funny are along the lines of people getting caught being rude to me and doing something stupid, or 'Darwin Award' worthy, so those kind of personal laughs I'll keep for myself (for now).

If I recall another, I'll drop it here:

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Butterman1
post May 26 2005, 12:02 AM
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QUOTE(snowblink @ May 24 2005, 03:08 PM)
Allright, this story involves an acquantance of mine and his daughter.
Seems one day he and his daughter were driving around town when the duaghter's eye caught a sign for one of the local car dealerships.  This one happened to be one of John Elway's shops.  The daughter turns to her dad and says, "Is that 'John Elway's Used Cars'?". To which her father replies, "Yes".  After a moment of silence the daughter says, "boy, he sure used a lot of them".
Most of the other stories I find funny are along the lines of people getting caught being rude to me and doing something stupid, or 'Darwin Award' worthy, so those kind of personal laughs I'll keep for myself (for now).

If I recall another, I'll drop it here:
*


Another great story, keep 'em comin'! biggrin.gif

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bob_TCC
post May 26 2005, 10:28 PM
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Ok, here we go...

Number 1: Use Your Hands, Not Your Teeth

In the upstairs hallway of my parents' home there is a standard set of pull-down steps to get to the attic. Like many of these steps, there is a pullstring attached in order to more easily get the stairs down when needed.

Like young boys do, my brothers and I would find ways to turn everything into a game and/or competition. At this time, we were still rather short, so the game was to run down the hallway, jump up and slap the pullstring and see how loud you could make it hit the ceiling. I know, I know... Odd. rolleyes.gif

It was innocent fun until one of our friends decided to join one day. After a few turns of hitting the pullstring with our hands and scoring who had "won", our friend decided to do something different (without telling us). He started down the hallway, jumped up and caught the string in his mouth. Just one problem...

These pullstrings almost always have the little plastic stop on the end. So, the string catches in between his front teeth and then the cap gets a firm grip on his teeth. In an instant, he was horizontal and the steps were pulled down a foot or so before it ripped his tooth loose and let him fall to the ground. ohmy.gif

After checking that he was okay, it fell on my Dad to call his Dad to explain why his son had at least one loose tooth. I'll never forget my Dad explaining the whole thing, especially the 2nd time after our friend's Dad said something along the lines of, "He did what again?" Needless to say, our friend won that round since steps slamming shut are pretty loud. wink.gif

Number 2: Why Did We Buy That Kite?

One summer, my family went on vacation to Myrtle Beach. This was around the age where my brothers and I (3 of us with only 2 years between us) were not quite sure about girls yet. We were interested, but we weren't interested. You know... Anyway...

For no other reason than it seemed cool, we bought a pretty nice stunt kite - a purple one. Within minutes of taking it out on the beach, we had caught the attention of a few girls. Next thing we knew, we were lined up to "go out" with them that evening - which we did. It was okay.

However, the next day, we just wanted to go on with our vacation and fly our kite. Just one problem... A big, purple stunt kite is like a big flashing sign that says, "Here we are." Within moments, there they were again. This theory was tested a couple times that day before we realized what had to happen - the kite had to be put away. In fact, I'm not sure that it's been flown since in the last 20 years or so. unsure.gif

Number 3: Please Don't Flush

This story is best when told by my Dad, but I'll try...

When my Dad was young, his family was on vacation somewhere out West and spent the day at some type of an amusement park.

At one point during the day, my Dad needed to use the restroom. As he was in the stall, someone began knocking on the stall door. After a few knocks, he asked what the person needed. A voice replied back asking that he please not flush the toilet. huh.gif

As soon as he opened the stall door, an elderly man ran into the stall and reached his hand right down into the toilet. After fishing his hand around for a few moments, he pulled something out and hurried over to the sink.

He then placed the item under the water and began rinsing it off. After a few moments, he popped the item - his false teeth - into his mouth, started walking away and said something along the lines of "Thought I had lost them." unsure.gif

Ok, there's my 3. wink.gif

Who's next?

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bob_TCC
post May 27 2005, 09:32 AM
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Anyone else want to get a funny story in right before the deadline?

-Bob


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Butterman1
post May 28 2005, 06:54 PM
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QUOTE
Story told by meuandthelot

#2 Mild mannered Brother-In-Law...

So we're remodeling his upsatirs loft..No alcohol
There's like 6 steps, a flat area(landing), then right turn & about 6-7 more steps, then the loft. We get some tools & materials hauled up(about 2-3 trips when he says "I need to take this jacket off" harmless enough right, WRONG He takes out one arm, and starts mumbling something about his buttons on the sleeve & he can't get his hand out (you know, like trying to take off a long sleeve dress shirt, but forget to undo the cuff link..it doesn't slip over your hand) anyway by the time I look over He's kindof upset, because he's got "BOTH" arms stuck with the jacket sleeves pulled inside out.
Now my brother-in-law is quiet, very calm, a wonderfull tradesman, a super great guy. But he's a slow thinker..for instance: This is true!! We meet someone at a gathering they both extend their hands to introduce themselves Jack shakes his hand & says his name "Glad to meet you Jack Pringle" the other guy says "Jack Pringle" probably not wanting to forget his name, I do the same thing. Jack says....And I quote "No, I'm Jack Pringle" Yes that's my bro-in-law..lmao Hillarious!!!!

OOOps back to the sleeves...OK so he's got both arms stuck (needless to say, It's rather funny) when he begins to flail a little..mistake, he turns..looses his balance(not hard with arms tied behind your back..lol) & rolls down the first flight of steps, hits the landing almost regains his balance. Only to tumble down the last 6 steps. It was about as gracefull as tumbling down steps could be, so he didn't get hurt(well except for the bruised ego) I'm glad... because I was laughing so hard I was literally crying!!

*



Everyone had great stories, but I could choose only one and this was my favorite ^^^.

Congratulations Meuandthelot!

Please PM me your address and I will get the prize out to you asap!

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bob_TCC
post May 28 2005, 06:58 PM
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Congratulations, meuandthelot. wink.gif

-Bob


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meuandthelot
post May 29 2005, 10:54 AM
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Thanks Guys! It was funny smile.gif


My almost updated trade+ site. Looking for Vintage all sports, and nice pieces from teams below PM/email with any offers. Thank You. Also 1990 Topps, and 2003 old logo.
Call someone a dodee buttt in the heat of a debate, banhammer, trying with all your might to pass fakes, or what amounts to fraud..Eh, give em a break, he made a mistake??!!??

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Butterman1
post May 29 2005, 01:26 PM
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QUOTE(meuandthelot @ May 29 2005, 10:54 AM)
Thanks Guys! It was funny smile.gif
*


Please PM me your address so I can send this card out to you asap.

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meuandthelot
post Jun 3 2005, 09:03 AM
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Thanks for the contest, and the kind gesture, but I don't need a prize...especially since I forgot smile.gif.


My almost updated trade+ site. Looking for Vintage all sports, and nice pieces from teams below PM/email with any offers. Thank You. Also 1990 Topps, and 2003 old logo.
Call someone a dodee buttt in the heat of a debate, banhammer, trying with all your might to pass fakes, or what amounts to fraud..Eh, give em a break, he made a mistake??!!??

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