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My dog isn't fixed, and the following might be my fault for wanting him to stay complete. In any case, get ready for some hilarity.

My dog jumped through my living room window to chase after, and fight, another dog in our yard. Yes, Boston (my dog) broke the glass. Yes, I have to repair it. Yes, my dog won the fight (the other dog ran off).

While, in a small way, I feel like a redneck father — chest-puffed out proud — I also want to beat the living hell out of him. But, as the experts say, disciplining a dog after the fact never works, I guess I'll just pet him and love him like always.

Jesus. If this is any indication of my life as a father, I better start buying booze now.